Reading time: 25min

Sales Psychology: How Humans Avoid Making High-Stakes Decisions

Domain: Sales

Level: Intermediate

Type: Principle

Power is neutral.

One can be incredibly “powerful” and evil.

One can also be incredibly “powerful” and good.

Power only amplifies and reveals who we really are.

If the word “power” wasn’t negatively associated with “mean,“ everyone would want to feel powerful. Everyone wants to be proud, happy, in control, and able to live 100% in alignment with themselves.

Power and Sales

Sales, when done right, allow everyone to be powerful.

The lead feels in control and truly is in control. The salesperson is also truly in control. Each of them playing the role they’re meant to play.

To be a good salesman, we have to start by understanding a simple dynamic.

1. A salesperson doesn’t sell something

A business sells something.

A salesperson helps a human make a decision.

A salesperson feels “powerful” when helping someone make the best decision for themselves.

That is the true role of a salesperson.

2. A lead needs help deciding

The human who has to make a decision (aka the lead) feels powerful when they’re helped, not forced, to make the right decision for themselves.

Some decisions can be hard on people.

They appreciate being helped to get past all the layers of excuses they use to avoid making a decision. They value being helped to make a choice, sometimes a difficult one, without lying to themselves.

What Selling Truly Is About

1. Selling Happens at All Times

Engaging the lead ⇒ Helping them decide
Qualifying the lead ⇒ Helping them decide
Making an offer ⇒ Helping them decide
Closing ⇒ Helping them decide

2. Getting Power Back

The common definition of power is: “The ability to influence events or people.”

As salespeople, we aim to help a prospect influence the people or the events that affect them so they get what they want.

In other words, we help them acquire power.

To do this, we enable them to become the person they want to be by making real decisions that allow them to stop hesitating, to take the plunge, and confidently say yes or no.

3. Feelings Fade, Logic Stays

Emotions change, pass, evolve. Logic, on the other hand, remains.

Many salespeople are emotional salespeople.

We are not.

Not in the sense that we don’t engage with emotions. But in the sense that we use logic first so that the prospect can never disagree with themselves.

We want them to never regret their decision to do business with us. So, we have to make logical sense and ensure they receive the value they expect from us (after the sale).

Generally speaking, there are emotional buyers and rational buyers. Emotional buyers want to buy from you. They want to believe you. They want to trust you.

In either case, all you have to do is help their logical brains justify the decision they already want to make.

They want to buy from you!

All you have to do is help them.

4. Your Beliefs Matter More Than You Know

On the field, you believe the wrong things, you don’t sell.

Here are the basic beliefs you need to update your system with:

People want to believe you. They want to buy. You have to help their logical brains justify their decision.

“Selling” comes before you make your ask. Closing comes after the ask. You sell the thing for a while. Then comes the moment of closing. This is the moment when you drop your pants and show what you’ve got between your legs.

It’s easier to deal with obstacles than objections (before making the ask rather than after.)

You have to expect a “no” and plan accordingly. “No” is not a failure. It’s what’s expected. Stop being surprised. If everyone were to say yes, salespersons wouldn’t exist. If leads could decide on their own, they’d just wire you the money. “No” is the job.

If they don’t gasp in surprise at the price, you haven’t gone high enough. You need to train your salespeople to listen for that little gasp of surprise.

Selling is about helping prospects make a decision to help themselves. You help them to help themselves. That’s where the power comes from.

You have to put the prospect before the sale at all times. The prospect comes first. It’s not about you. It’s about them. The more you can get out of the way and put them front and center, the better.

Seek to understand, not to defend.

Maintain a childlike curiosity at all times.

Closing is a dance, not a fight. It’s a game of seduction, not a rape. The goal is not to beat them. The goal is to help them help themselves.

Selling is a transfer of belief over a bridge of trust. That means: you have to believe in what you’re selling to be able to transfer that belief. If you can convince your salespeople to believe, they’ll sell the right way because they won’t be trying to make the sale. They’ll be trying to help the prospect.

You’ll build trust only if you sincerely want to help because humans are exceptionally good at sensing bad intentions. It’s a survival mechanism.

Belief and trust are not binary concepts. They live on continuums. So the questions are: How much do you believe? How much do they trust you?

Closers ask the hard questions because they sincerely try to help, not reassure. We need to have difficult conversations to sincerely transform lives.

The person who cares most about the prospect wins the deal. If you care more than they do, you’ll win. If you’re more convincing than they are, they’ll question their own excuses and beliefs because you’re so certain of yourself.

Record all your sales on video. Always. When you’re hot and cold again, replay your “hot streaks” to get in the flow. It’s also the best way to train your sales teams.

Power is the ability to lead or influence people. If you want to be powerful, you need to understand this skill.

The Selling Process

1. Make Them Face The Truth

All it takes is one decision to change your life forever.

We’re all just one decision away from radically changing our lives, and that decision can be made at any time.

For some, it’s having a nice chat with their life partner. For others, it’s having the most difficult discussion of their lives with that same person.

For some, it’s signing up for a gym membership. For others, it’s quitting doom-scrolling.

We all have the power to change our lives with a single decision. The thing is, most of us don’t make that decision. Instead of changing our lives, we blame (empower) things outside our control.

Power follows the blame finger.

We do this every day. Both ourselves and our prospects. That’s why so many people are weak and powerless. We transfer all our power to the excuses we hide behind.

2. Help Them Move Forward

During closing, prospects are faced with a dilemma.

They have three choices:

They can go forward and choose A.
They can move forward and choose B.
They can stop and make no decision.

Our role is to help them move forward in all cases.

So, three things can happen:

They decide to take our offer. They feel confident in their decision.
They decide not to take our offer. They also feel confident in their decision.
They are uncertain. We need to help them make a decision and ensure it gets them closest to where they really want to go.

In other words:

I don’t want you to buy. I want you to decide. Not for me, for you. This decision won’t change my life, but it will change yours.

We must be genuinely happy when a prospect decides not to work with us because they’ve made an actual decision for themselves and taken back the power that’s been theirs all along.

Once again, closing aims to help the prospect decide, not to sell them something. A closing call is a victory if we’ve helped the customer make the right decision for them. Even if they said no.

3. Tackle Obstacles and Disarm Objections

First we need to make the difference between obstacle and objections.

	Obstacles	Objections
When	Happens before you make your offer.	Happens after you’ve made your offer.
Why	It happens because we don’t agree with something the prospect says.	It happens because the prospect doesn’t agree with us.
What	It’s an expression of our opposition or disapproval.	It’s an expression of the prospect’s opposition or disapproval.

It’s much easier to help a prospect debunk their limiting beliefs before we make our offer than after we’ve made it.

Once the offer is on the table, there are only objections and no more obstacles.

When faced with an objection, we never disagree with the customer.

It’s not a fight! We’re on their side.

4. Closing — After Making the Ask

To close a prospect, they must be in a very specific state.

The prospect must really want to achieve their objective, and :

Sincerely believe that the product will enable them to achieve their goal in the way they want to achieve it.
Sincerely believe that we and others (colleagues, friends, family, etc.) will support them in their quest.
Sincerely believe that it will work specifically for them and not just anyone else.

We need to prove that our solution works, so it’s more reasonable to believe it will work for them rather than think it won’t.

If the prospect doesn’t check these three boxes or is unsure about any of these three points, they’ll object to something else during the closing phase. That’s why we have to expect a “no” by default at the beginning of the call.

Once again, if leads could decide on their own, they wouldn’t need our help and would just wire the money to us.

The 3 Distortions of Reality

All the excuses we hide behind are distortions of reality.

That's what Dr. Albert Ellis noticed during his research. These distortions are the things we use to upset ourselves and avoid making decisions.

Here are the 3 distortions:

Circumstances:
“I must have what I want, when I want it, and not have what I don’t want. If I don’t have what I want, it doesn’t suit me.”
Others:
“Others must treat me fairly and kindly. If they don’t, they’re worthless and deserve to be condemned and punished.”
Myself:
“I must do things right, or else I’m worthless.”

These three distortions are the statements our reptilian brain throws at us when trying to avoid facing reality; When we avoid choosing between A or B.

These three distortions are used in successive layers to protect us.

The Onion of Blame

Humans are like onions.

Onions have layers.

Humans have layers.

They both have layers!

— Shrek

We use excuses in the same order as the distortions listed above:
Circumstances ⇒ Others ⇒ Self ⇒ Empowerment

We blame circumstances:
- I don't have the time.
- I don't have the money.
- ...
We blame others:
- my husband/wife.
- my children.
- my employees.
- ...
We blame ourselves:
- It's me, it's my fault.

The more layers we peel off, the more we’ll have to deal with objections related to each of the three layers.

The trick is that by analyzing the prospect’s objection, we know how far we are in the onion. We know how far we are from reality.

If a prospect makes no excuses, we know we’re talking to someone who has the power to make a decision and can actually say “yes” or “no”.

If, on the other hand, the prospect says, “I don’t have ...” and follows up with an excuse, we know that they’re rejecting their power and giving it away to the excuses they use.

And that's how we know we’ll have to keep peeling back the onion one layer at a time.

These distortions of reality manifest themselves in 5 recurring ways:

Circumstances
- Time
- Value
- Compatibility
Others
- Authority
Self
- Avoidance

Once we've overcome these distortions of reality, the prospect can no longer hide behind excuses. We're talking to someone who has taken the power back.

The following table describes mental frameworks for countering the manifestations of reality distortions mentioned above.

The Distortions of Reality In Details

Right below, all the distortions of reality with the bullshit people tell themselves and how to overcome it.

Read. Apply. Tweak. Enjoy!

Time — Macro Scale

The bullshit they tell themselves:
It's not the best time right now. It's a big season for me. I've got so many things to deal with at the same time.

Bullshit TL;DR:
I've got lots of things to deal with at the same time, so I don't have the time.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: Doing it when you’re busy is best. … Because you’re gonna be busy again, right?
Step 2. Want this to last, right? Then get support when you need it most.

Time — Micro Scale

The bullshit they tell themselves:
It's not the best time right now... I don't have enough time during the day.

Bullshit TL;DR:
I can't find the time.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: I used to say the same thing, then my [partner/colleague/wife] made me realize that I have time. ⇒ Pulling out your calendar story time: He/She took my phone, pulled out my calendar app, found empty spots and said to me, “Here. I found you some time.”
Step 2: Do you think there’s someone on earth making it happen with less time than you? Jeff Bezos? Elon Musk? If they can, you can too…
Step 3: Everyone has the same 24h. It's all about how you allocate them…
Step 4: First thing we're gonna do is cut 90% of the stuff that's not working…

Time — If/Then Fallacy

The bullshit they tell themselves:
It's not the best time right now... In the future, when I'll have the time, I'll definitely sign up for your program.

Bullshit TL;DR:
If I have the time, then I'll do it. Example: When I get better, I'll go to the hospital. Example: I'll save money when I'm rich.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: This kept me stuck for years…
Step 2: I found out that my line of reasoning was called “when/then” fallacy…
Step 3: “When I have more time, I’ll do the thing that gets me more time…”, “When I have more money, I’ll do the thing that gets me money…”
Step 4: You don’t start fitness once you’re healthy. You don’t go to the hospital once you’re healed.
Step 5: You get and stay healthy because you start fitness. You’re healed because you go to the hospital.

Value — Why “a Lot” Is Good

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I can't afford it. It's a lot of money for me.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: This is exactly why you’ll be successful. It means a lot to you. The question is not if our stuff works. The question is, will you work on it? We already know that you will because it means a lot to you.
Step 2: Would you even believe it did what I said if it were 1/10th of the price?
Step 3: How long would you have “I can’t afford it” to be on your list of problems in life?

Value — Why It's Not a Lot

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I can't afford it. It's too expensive.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: If all this does is “…”, would it be worth it? If all this does is getting you in your bikini, would it be worth it? If all this does is adding $10,000 to your income, would it be worth it?
Step 2: Then it’s not about the price. It’s because you don’t believe me. So, at what point would it be more reasonable to believe than no believe? Here’s our 1000 success stories… Tell me when to stop.
Step 3: Compared to a 4-year degree or a product designer’s salary… this costs nothing.

Value — What's Money Good for Anyways?

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I can't afford it. I don't have the money. It's too expensive.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: This money is gonna get spent either way over the next 12 months.
Step 2: You’re buying the lesson from this program either way. Either you pay for it with money or you pay it with time. You’re gonna learn the lessons contained in [your_offer] anyways. But do you want it to take 12 weeks or 12 years? You’ve probably been paying with time for the last two years. How is that working for you?
Step 3: What’s money good for anyways? Only buying the lessons to move faster. Edison took years to craft the first light bulb. Today, you can buy the lesson for $3 at any convenience store.
Step 4: • Case 1: You do it. It works. Great. • Case 2: You do it. It doesn’t work. • Case 3: You don’t do it. It also doesn’t work. Because we have [guarantee/refund/trial] they’re all risk-free. But only one of them has the true guarantee of not getting you where you want, which is walking out the door. Which risk-free option do you want? The one that’s risk-free that guarantees that you're not gonna get there? Or the one that's risk-free and has the potential to get you where you want to go?

Value — Why You Don't Need Money

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I can't afford it. I don't have the money. It's too expensive.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: You know what you and self-made millionaires have in common? Both started with zero, like Nike’s CEO.
Step 2: Let me prove to you that you have resourcefulness… unexpected bill you were able to pay like taxes? Like everybody, you’ve been able to magically summon money when you needed it.
Step 3: You need resourcefulness, not resources.

Compatibility — New Identities, New Priorities

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I'm not sure if it's right for me. I'm not sure that the way to do it is right for me.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: We vote with our dollars about the stuff we care about. If you show me how somebody is spending their money and their time, I can tell you what their future is.
Step 2: ⇒ The Sephora story: Two girls enter the Sephora and ask for blush and stuff. One member of the staff is helping them out and tell them that “now, since they’re getting older and becoming women, they’ll have to start budging for these things to be able to keep buying them every month.” The girls were so excited because when you have a new identity, you have new priorities.
Step 3: New identity = new priorities There is the “you” that you used to be, and there's the “you” that you want to be. To be who you want, you need to step into you’re new identity. And with new identity comes new priorities.

Compatibility — Pain of Change

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I don't like this particular thing in the offer.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: You gotta change to change. What you’ve been doing has been getting you what you’ve been getting. You gotta change to change.
Step 2: It’s going to hurt to change.
Step 3: The question is: Is the pain of change greater than the pain of staying the same. Are you in enough pain?
Step 4: If the pain of staying the same is not worse than the pain of the change, go hit rock bottom. Everybody’s got a rock bottom. Hit yours. Then come back when it is too painful.

Compatibility — Hypothetical

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I'm not sure this is for me.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: “If this were perfect, would you do it?” “If this program had everything you needed, would you invest in it?”
Step 2 — “They Say Yes” Scenario: Ask them: ⇒ “What’s missing?” ⇒ “What’s different between perfection and what we’ve got?” • So, if we added that piece, you’d be in? • If they answer “yes” ⇒ Close the deal. • If “no” ⬇️
Step 2 — “They Say No” Scenario: ⇒ Then they don’t trust you, and you need to address that.
Step 2 — “They Say I Don't Know” Scenario: ⇒ “Then there’s nothing wrong with our offer. It has to do with you. Let’s talk about that.”

Authority — I Need to Talk To

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I need to talk to my partner/spouse.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: Isolate the objection and cast aside the partner. “What do you think they wouldn’t like or approve of?” ⇒ Isolate and confront the real issue. Ex: “They don’t want me to fail” ⇒ “They don’t want YOU to fail... Okay, so let’s talk about you.”
Step 2: Realization they never needed permission. “Do they approve your current struggle?” “Are they happy about seeing you struggling?” • If they answer “No.”: “Then, why would they not approve of something that is gonna fix something that they already don’t approve of?” “They’re already not happy with how you’re currently doing. Why would they be against something that’s gonna fix that.”
Step 3: Realization you never needed permission. a. If the roles were reversed? Would you support your [partner/colleague]? Then why wouldn’t you support you? b. You’re asking for permission instead of support. And right now, you need support, not permission. It’s your decision. It’s your life. Own your shit, or you’ll resent them for life. c. If you ask for their permission and they say no. You’ll resent them for not achieving your goals.

Avoidance — In The Past

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I need to think about it. It's going a bit fast for me.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: It’s not a fast decision. You’ve been deciding for years. You came this far. You did this, and this and that. Now, you’re 6 inches from gold. a. This isn’t a fast decision at all. You did all this because this is important to you. So don’t let that distortion stop you from getting what you want. That’s fear talking. Let’s face that. What are you afraid of having happened if you buy? b. Don't let a bad decision burn you twice: “I just bought so many “…“ before.” Yes, they are good “…” and bad “…”, but not all are crap. If you let the bad one prevent you from the good one, you get burned by the bad one and because you let the bad one control your next decision.
Step 2: So, maybe you’re here because you struggled to pull the trigger in the past? 1. Have you been in this call before and said “no” before? ⇒ Yeah. 2. Do you think it’s why you’re here? ⇒ Yeah. 3. Do you think that might be the reason you should change that? ⇒ Yeah. 4. Okay, let’s change it.
Step 3: Are you tired of another year of almost? How much has “not deciding” cost you until now?

Avoidance — In The Present

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I need to think about it. I am not sure. I really have to think about it.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: ⇒ Rocking chair story: Are you gonna go home and sit in your rocking chair. Smoke your pipe and ask yourself, “Should I do this…?”. No, you’re not. You’re gonna go on with your day. Get busy again and forget about this choice you need to make. In two or three days, or a year [nightmare scenario] and then you’ll be like “fuck.” And just there you’ll have made the decision. So, let’s just make it now: 1. We don’t need time. We need information. 2. I’m your source of information right now.
Step 2: “How do I make the decision?” 1. Do you trust the product? 2. Do you trust us? 3. Do you think it will work for you? 4. Do you have access to the money?
Step 3: Informed decision: You can only make an informed decision on the inside. Try the thing and then decide if you keep doing it. ⇒ Guarantee / Trial / Refund.
Step 4: Decision definition: From Latin “decadere,” which means “cut off”/”kill of.” Not choosing is a decision. So, which future are you deciding to kill off today?

Avoidance — In The Future

The bullshit they tell themselves:
I need to think about it.

Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: Five years in the future, what does life look like if you keep going this way?
Step 2: Let's consider the options… all cases are risk free. • Case 1: You do it. It works. Great. • Case 2: You do it. It doesn’t work. • Case 3: You don’t do it. It also doesn’t work. Because we have [guarantee/refund/trial] they’re all risk-free. But only one of them has the true guarantee of not getting you where you want, which is walking out the door.
Step 3: Not gonna struggle forever, right? You’re gonna do something about this right? If you're gonna do eventually, you may as well start today and reap the fruits of your labor today.
Step 4: Instead of a “this is it decision,” we need to ask ourselves if this decision is going to help us get closer or further from our goals. We don’t need to be snipers. We need to be directionally right.

Bonus — The Reason To Do It

Brain Hack Distortion Killer Method:
Step 1: The reason you're telling yourself not to do it is the reason to do it.
Step 2: How long do you want [ problem ] to be on your list of problems in life?